"Just Talking To."

January 29, 2017

Often when I am contacted by a woman who wants help with her relationship, she'll usually start off with something like, "So, I've been "talking" to this guy..." And then the conversation usually leads in the direction of the guy not doing something that she feels he should be doing or him making her upset in some kind of way.  I have a series of questions that I like to ask such as, "how long have you been "talking" to this guy, what does "talking to" mean and is he aware of your feelings?"  The woman usually becomes a little frustrated with this line of questioning because (A), I am not automatically coming to her defense and putting all of the blame on him and  (B) these questions stop and make you think about the situation at a deeper level and what YOUR responsibility is in this situation. 

 

First of all, whenever you start something off with "talking to," I immediately get the sense that this is someone that you just met or at least haven't been dealing with for very long, typically a few weeks to 3 months possibly.  If you are in this range of time, you really want to take the time that you've known this person into consideration because really at this point, you are just getting to know them and you shouldn't have deep expectations of them right now.  If you do, then you need to talk to them about how you are feeling because you need to decide on whether to move to the next level, or just be friends or nothing at all. If you have been involved with this person for longer than 3 months and you are still referring to your connection as "talking to," then this is something that you really need to assess and he needs to be a part of that process!  If you are wanting to have a mature relationship, then you have to view it as a mature relationship and actually call it what it is..A Relationship!  

 

The bottom line my sisters is that you have to think about the state of your relationship and where you are in it before you start to have all of these expectations of your significant other.  Often times, women have the tendency to put their everything into a relationship at the very beginning of it and when the guy doesn't reciprocate, we get our feelings hurt when truth be told, we should not be giving so much of ourselves in the first place!  If you are a woman that wants a relationship, then make the person that you are dealing with aware of this.  Don't just assume that this is what he wants and don't give everything that you have to someone that you aren't even calling your boyfriend but just someone you're talking to!  Sit down and have a serious conversation with him.  If he is hesitant to claim you as his girlfriend and take your relationship to the next level, then you need to back off and stop extending yourself.  Be mature enough to stand firm in what you want and to make the appropriate decision for yourself and stand by it. Stand in your authentic power as a woman and everything that is for you, will be presented to you, while everything that is not for you will fade away.

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