There I was, sitting at the kitchen table with my 1 and 2-year-old babies, trying to complete a science experiment that was probably due by midnight. I had worked a full shift that day, cooked dinner, given them their baths and was now trying to stay awake long enough to BS my way through this horrible assignment so that I could at least get some points for turning it in on time. When I got to the part in the experiment that required the use of a thermometer, I couldn’t find the thing. I looked everywhere! I started panicking of course and then I noticed that my 2-year-old was no longer at the table! So, I went in the room to see if she was there and sure enough she was, with my thermometer in her mouth! She had chewed it up which meant I couldn’t finish my experiment. (I called poison control and they said she would be fine because the thermometer more than likely didn’t contain mercury.) I felt defeated. I was tired and in that moment, I questioned my ability to make it through school because this incident was just a drop in the pond of things that had gone wrong for me during this time. My kids were so small and I was doing all of this alone. I put my kids to bed and went and sat at the kitchen table and just cried. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Where did all of these emotions come from? For God's sake, it was just a homework assignment and I wasn’t doing that great in that class anyway. But something else was happening. When I think back to that time, it dawned on me how much I didn’t recognize my life anymore. I had children very quickly with a guy who was just as young and dumb as I was. I was thrust into adulthood when before I would go out and party and then go to work the next day on 2 hours of sleep. Now I was cooking dinner, making doctor’s appointments and caring about 2 little people a thousand times more than I could ever care about myself. It was all very surreal. It was all very rewarding and I was thankful for the job I had taken on, but I was so exhausted. I always had a migraine and to be honest, I probably had postpartum depression but with how busy my life had become, I didn’t have time to deal with that. Then I took on the task of trying to continue to get my education. I was pursuing it before I had my kids and definitely wanted to finish, but there were some days that I seriously just wanted to quit, go on welfare and wait until my kids were in school to try again. I know some people would frown on this, but I am just being honest.
Now that I have the ability to look back on this time, I am sooooo glad that I did not quit. All of this was going on in 2005-2006. During this time, we moved a lot, my son was diagnosed with autism and I was barely getting by pay check to pay check. BUT I’M STILL HERE!!! By the grace of God. I have said all of this to say that when you are in the moments of complete and utter chaos and you just want to throw your hands up and say forget it I’m done, don’t because all of your blessings are just on the other side of your mess. I got my bachelors of science degree and went on to get certified as a life coach and holistic wellness practitioner. I started my own business, I became a home owner and created a safe and secure environment full of love for my kids. My kids are happy, healthy and still 2 of the sweetest human beings that you will ever meet and I am so proud of them. I am also proud of myself because I always knew that my circumstances at that time were not there to stay and that I needed to push through and so I am very grateful that I did. I want anyone of you amazing souls to read my story and take it as hope that you can have a great life and that you are stronger than you think you are. Continue to work hard and have a caring and open heart because it will take you to amazing places.