Keep Your Peace.

June 25, 2018

I basically procrastinated all day because I knew that this particular interaction today between me and my baby boy was going to be horrible. Now, you may be wondering what interaction could be so awful between a mother and son and how I knew that it was going to be horrible.  Well, my dear son is autistic and he HATES having his haircut and you guessed it, today was the day that it needed to be cut.  My son, who will be 14 in about a month, has ALWAYS hated having his hair cut.  For as long as I can remember, it has always been a struggle.  You would think that with time he would have adjusted to this process, but I honestly think that this will be a lifelong issue with him.   Anyhow, this isn't really the main topic of my little story here.  I wanted to talk to you all about how in the past, I would get so much anxiety around cutting my son's hair because I knew what it was going to entail and I also knew that I would be doing it alone, which would definitely bring up some animosity, anger and even rage in my heart with my son's father.  As I've stated in previous blogs, I have basically been a single parent since both of my beautiful children were conceived and throughout the years, it has been difficult at best to get their father to do anything for them and helping with his son's hair cuts was one of those things.  Needless to say, this hadn't sat very well with me and it made me angry every time I had to chase my son around with clippers in hand and know that he and I were going to be alone in this and that we were going to basically fight for 30 minutes to get this haircut done.  I always hoped that one day their father would get it together and just step up and help me with this and other things, but he never did.  I can remember times when I would get done with my son's hair and we'd both be sweating, crying and covered in hair on the bathroom floor.  My tears though would soon turn into rage and I'd call his dad and just explode on him.  How dare he leave me to deal with this on my own.  Out of all of the things that he willingly skipped out on, this was the one thing that brought me the most grief and it angered me that he couldn't even show up and help, especially being that he knew how difficult it was to get it done! But at the end of those calls or texts, he still could care less and I was still left in the same situation that I was in before I lowered my positive energy and decided to start a fight out of frustration.  Today however, and for the past 8 years, I have taken a different approach.  My son and I get through the horror, (although I may procrastinate to get started) we clean up the mess and we move on.  I no longer call or text their father for anything.  I no longer let anger, heartache and pain dictate how I react when dealing with their father or anyone else for that matter.  And I have slowly but surely gone through the process of forgiveness so that I can set myself free.  When you forgive, no matter how negative the circumstances, you take your power back! You choose how you are going to deal with the person. You don't come out of character and curse them out and talk about their momma (yes, I have done this) and furthermore, you realize that you can't make someone do what they KNOW they're supposed to do and neither should you want to.  That isn't your job.   I realized that I only have control over what I do and don't do and I decided to choose my own peace and sanity over letting him have it. I take comfort in the fact that the things that he doesn't do, are the things that he will have to answer for one day and that has nothing to do with me. So, the next time you feel that something is totally unfair and you want justice, just know that you are only responsible for you and you hold the key to your own peace and happiness.  Don't give that power away to ANYONE! Just keep doing the very best that you can and you will definitely be rewarded in the end.  

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