“Get up from the table when love is no longer being served”…I know that you’ve probably heard that quote from Nina Simone before and it is so absolutely true! BUT, I would also like to add the following: What if love was NEVER served to begin with? How did you get to the table in the first place? I think that this is something that a lot of us tend to overlook whenever we get into “relationships” with people in the first place. For some of us, we are so happy to finally have met someone, that we are completely willing to overlook the fact that they TOLD US in the very beginning with their actions that they didn’t want to be serious right now. Or that they told us with words that they don’t see themselves getting married. But something happens in a woman’s head that flips all of that around to mean, he’s just saying that because he hasn’t seen how wonderful I am, but once I prove it to him, he’ll change his mind. No ma’am…that doesn’t work and we have to stop it. Ladies, we are way too smart to keep letting our need to be in a relationship cloud our judgement when it comes to the men that we meet! We have to be willing to keep our standards high and our minds disciplined in order for us to get what it is that we want! We can’t keep falling into situations that somewhere inside of us we KNOW are going to end badly! I know that it is hard when you want to be with someone or when you see potential in someone, but seeing their potential means nothing if they don’t see it in themselves! So, the next time that you want to enter into a relationship with someone, try the following:
Listen to him! I mean, really listen to him! Don’t let the way that he smells, the way that he looks and the way that he dresses cloud your judgement! Ladies, I know that this can be HARD, but you have to take those factors out so that you can learn what the man’s character is like. He will tell you everything that you need to know about what his intentions are if you actually listen to the words that he’s saying as well as the silence in between those words!
Don’t let your feelings get the best of you and please give yourself time before you make the decision to sleep with him. If you actually want a relationship, then you should already have your list of your qualities that you’re looking for as well as your non-negotiables! That way you will be prepared before hand and there should be no confusion because you’ve already listed what it is that you’re looking for. Stick to the list!!
Don’t look at this man as someone that you could marry right when you first meet him. Ladies, we are sooooo guilty of this and I know because I’ve done it. Putting our minds some place that it doesn’t need to be is making us move way too fast in these relationships. We’re investing way too much, way too early! We are calling someone our man 1 or 2 months into meeting them and by month 6, we figure out that we don’t even like the guy and sometimes by then, we’ve already given so much of ourselves that it makes it hard to walk away even when the situation sucks! And heck, some of us have even gotten pregnant at that point and that’s a major problem because now you’ve brought an innocent life into the mix!
What I’m trying to say is, please, take your time when you’re meeting someone. Some of us are pulling up to the table when we should still be standing and it is putting us in situations where we’re becoming single mothers, our hearts are getting broken and we’re leaving these situations worse off than when we first got into them. So have fun! Get to learn all that you can before you start investing everything that you have. Have REAL conversations, not just one where he keeps telling you how beautiful you are every 5 minutes. Your mind, body and soul will thank you for it.