I don’t typically like to talk about romantic love relationships because I truly like to focus on the specific person and their healing, but I feel the need to say something about it today. I guess that this message is coming from a place of frustration because I keep seeing and hearing men talking about how messed up women are and women talking about how messed up men are. Now from a woman’s perspective, I can say that I have been in some pretty messed up relationships with men that were absolutely terrible. I had children with someone who seemed completely incapable of love because he was completely and utterly broken. BUT I had to recognize within my own self that there was a space in ME that was broken as well because I allowed him into my life with all of his baggage and foolishness so what did that say about me? I had to heal myself from everything that was making me someone who was willing to accept the unacceptable. And men, the same goes for you as well. If you were involved with a woman who may have cheated on you, or lied and did all kinds of horrible things to you, then you have to ask yourself what part you played in that catastrophe. I am saying this because we as people have a tendency to do 2 things. One is we put all of the blame on the other person that was in relationship with us and fail to recognize that we played a part in the situation too. Actually, we played the main part because WE have control over who comes, goes or stays in our lives! We may not be able to control their actions, but we can tell them when it’s time to go! So if you saw all of the signs that a person was no good and you let them continue to be in your life, then you participated in your own pain by letting them stay in your life longer than they should have. The second thing that we tend to do is make blanket statements about men and women based off of negative experiences that we may have had in our past relationships. i.e. All men are dogs, all women just want a man for his money, all men cheat, all women will leave you once you fall on hard times etc. etc.. Now, we ALL KNOW that this isn’t true!!! AND when you make blanket statements like this, it becomes a part of your reality because you’re attracting the very things that you don’t want DIRECTLY to you AND you’re making yourself the victim in these situations when what you should be doing is looking for the weakness within yourself so that you can correct it and move forward. So, what you can do to put yourself in the right mind space so that you can actually attract the kind of relationship that you want is:
-Take accountability for the part that you played in your past negative relationships. The person that you were with wouldn’t have been there if you didn’t invite them!
- Do a self-evaluation and take a close look at how you met that person, what they were like when you met them, how long you knew them before being intimate with them and what warning signs you glided over at the very beginning. That way, you’ll know what to look for going forward and you can catch yourself if you see yourself making some of the same mistakes that you made in the past.
-Don’t make blanket statements about the opposite sex. That’s how you make yourself the victim. Keep your experiences to your specific experience and don’t hold everyone else accountable for how you were hurt! Don’t bring that into something new. You can certainly talk about it so that the new person is aware of it, but don’t keep bringing it into your present situation. That’s not fair to the new person and it shows that you haven’t completely healed.
-Don’t date if you haven’t worked on yourself! You have no business being with anyone if you haven’t taken steps to improve who you are as a person! You can’t expect things to change or to get better if you don’t take steps to make them better. Only you can heal yourself.